paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm passing your future prison.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
