have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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