I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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