you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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