what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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