I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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