dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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