I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize