Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
