We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
