Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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