Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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