The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
