it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
We need to rekindle our bromance
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
