I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
There was a lot of him and a little penis
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
