Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
