my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
