i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize