Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
