i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
