Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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