When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
