People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
