I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
