Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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