I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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