Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
