he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
