Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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