Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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