You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
