i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
