it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My bed smells like the plague
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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