I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
