Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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