From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
