Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
