I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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