just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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