My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize