he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
