the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Randomize
