I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
