Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
