I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
