Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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