And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
