Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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