No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
