So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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