Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
