So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
