how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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