im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
