I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
