you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
