I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
