Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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