forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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