I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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