I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
