Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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