Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
