am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
