i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
