hell yes lets make some ravioli
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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