guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
