So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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