I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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