Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
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