He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
