This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
